For all of you Drama Queens out there, who think your lifes are more miserable than others and constantly feeling blue, herewith I give you a very nice song from Westlife, about reaching something that you want in life, by being stubborn in the process   But make sure you read the article right below the song lyric, please.  You won’t regret it, I promise!

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What I Want is What I’ve Got

All that I want
in my life
is the feeling of peace
Deep within me truly

I took a chance
I let go
I promised myself
That it wouldn’t scare me

Miracles appear I know
Now I can see it show
‘Cause I

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Life is too short
To hold back
I won’t live in the past
Being lonely now I know
This is the time
Of my life
Yes I’m sure what I want
Is what I’ve got

Miracles appear I know
Now I can see it show
‘Cause I

Found out what I dreamt of
And I looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Now I’ve found out what I’ve
Been dreaming of
It’s the feeling of peace deep within me
Cause life is too short to hold back
I made up my mind I just

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

*****

Great song, isn’t it?  Well, I think the song is soooo describing my character.  So I was so ‘in’ with the song by the first time I heard it years a go.

But as you all know, something that is too much is not really that cool.

Hmm… through my 22 years of life time, I’ve been studying a lot of thing.  Not always getting what you want is one of them.  You see, it would be so much fun if we always got what we want.  Okay, I know, you don’t just sit around waiting for miracles fall from the sky.  In fact, you have put so much effort on it.  Your constant prays, and your undying trial.  Not to mention, your hard willingness.  After all of those, you wish Allah will give you what you want.  As simple as that.  Because the theory they teach us: no guts, no glory!  And you trust it.

But sometimes, that’s not how it works, sweetie pie!

In some special condition, you’ll find out, that no matter how hard you tried, eventually, Allah might refused to let you get what you really wished to have. 

You might hate Allah at this point, because you have done like EVERYTHING you could do to reach you goal.  But Allah messed it up, just by saying ‘No!’  You’ll be wondering “Where did I do wrong?  I’ve done every possible way I could, even the most impossible ones.  What did I do to receive this as my paycheck?  It’s not fair!”

You think you’re smart, eh?  Well baby, Allah’s even SMARTER!!!  Allah can do math better than you, you know (how can Allah not?  Allah’s the one who MADE it) So Allah can calculate everything with ABSOLUTE precise, including YOUR life.  You just have to put one thing in mind, that Allah really do LOVES you.  That Allah has something in mind when Allah decided not to let you happy at the present moment.  Allah saves it a little bit longer; to give you even BIGGER pleasure at the end.  That Allah knows what’s best for you, because Allah is the only one who knows you, better than anything else in this whole world.

My close friend once told me “Allah is what you think Allah is” Uhm, I think I translated it wrong… Or in Indonesia: Allah said “Aku adalah prasangka hambaku”  So DON’T YOU EVER dare assumed that Allah doesn’t love you.  Because Allah might let what you think comes true. Just to show you Allah’s power, or to punish you for letting evil’s charm lingered on your thoughts.  Nope, I won’t let that happen to me.  Never!  Insya Allah

So honey, when everything gets rough, just be patient a little.  If you can’t have your dream BIG STAR above, after you tried maximally of course, try to grab another.  I’m not telling you to move backward, because we shouldn’t move backward.  I’m just saying, try to grab another star.  If it doesn’t look any brighter than your former one, maybe it’s because that other star is farther.  Again, be patient and have faith to reach it.  If you still can’t have it, don’t quit the fight and try to do the same thing at another star, and so on, and so on.  HIDUP ADALAH PERJUANGAN.  We all are nothing but a bunch of fighters in this dessert of life.  You already know that, don’t you?

So if people asked me, do I always get what I want in life, I’d say:  not really. But i feel cool about it, though :-)’

Well anyway, I dedicated this article for one of my best friend.  She’s kind of sad lately.  And watching her destructing herself with me can do nothing about it but posting this silly article just killing me.  I just want to let her know, that I’ve been in her position, even worse I think.  And trust me, it’ll go by.  With Allah within you, you’ll have again that sweet smile of yours on your face soon.  Trust me, baby! 

We all love you, you know… 

So love yourself as well! >:-O

The Fighthers!

This boy I’m telling you, he’s kind of special…  :“)

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When the first time I met  him, he already gave me a bad impression of him by asking this very impolite question:

”So you were born at 1984?  Gees Dhitta, you’re so old” 

Damn him. 

The subject of Basic English made us shared the same team.  It all started when I tried to collect some information about all of my team mates, or at least trying to get to know and remember their faces since we were just met. So I could draw their attention to me, I shouted each one of their names loudly to the class. Then he came near me, claiming that he’s one of my team mates.  At one point of our small talks, he asked my year of birth.  And when he got my answer, he then stated the hurting question I mentioned in this early article.  I just couldn’t help to hate him since.  Teenagers! Very insensitive!  Being three years younger than me doesn’t make him has the right to insult me.  My little brother who is four years younger than me doesn’t do that, you cocky moron!   You think you’re so great, huh?  Well for your information, I do too, work in a company that is owned by the government.  In fact, I think mine’s better because we have things to sell, not just sit around and auditing other people’s financial statement.  Beat that!

But since he was smart, and I always thought that smart boys are just damn sexy (and I think in some sort of point of view he’s quite cute), we got closer each week.  The task to give the class a presentation had made us discussed things.  Lots of things.  We shared our opinion about our companies, our studies (hell, of course we do!), even our love lives.  I sat right beside him in class.  We cooperated at tests (whoops!)   We had dinner together.  We became best friends.

Until that night, November 25, during the Computer Application class, while laughing (his defense: “it was to cover my nervousness!”) he asked me to be his girl (he already broke up with his girl by that time)  Aaaawww…. Could this little boy be any nicer than that?  So I, with the same silliness he had that night, painted the sentence “I do” in the very old fashioned computer in front of me.  I thought coldly, “He’s definitely not that bad, just to have some fun time around”

He broke me up the three days after. 

Only for proposing me right after it.

Ya Allah, what kind of guy you sent me here?  An angel?

Well anyway, I won’t tell you what answer I gave him, but we had our first date yesterday, precisely a month after he asked me to be his lover (it was pure coincident, we didn’t plan it, the day just matched like that) And by the time we sat together in front of my dorm (they forbid us to welcome a guest in our room after nine pm.  Yeah, they’re suck) I saw it, in his eyes, the undemanding love that I’ve been desperately searching for all this time.  And only a fool would throw away a man like him, who doesn’t care about your family background, your scandalous love life, your stubborn and lame brain, and even your fats, but you.  I decided not to be one.

So there we were under the night sky which was accessorized by beautiful fireworks (they’re actually for celebrating Christmas, but I positively assumed that they’re lighted especially for us) holding each other’s hand, and simply felt this warm and happiness inside our hearts.

Then I silently pray “God, I think I love him.  Please don’t take him away from me until death do us part.  Hmm, actually You have the right to take him at any time You wish, but… at least, don’t be too hurry.  Amin” 

Then you look at me

And I always see

What I have been searching for

I’m lost as can be

Then you look at me

And I am not lost anymore…

-Then You Look at Me, Celine Dion-

***

Dedicated to…  Hmm, he knows who he is, in celebrating his birthday on January 7.  I thank God for that sweet limitless affection of yours. I just can’t wait until it’s come our time to declare our vow to the world so I can give you all of me.  See you later, boy! 

…my baby boy…