Hi… hi…  It is amazing how you will NEVER know just what people would do in way to show you their reaction to things that you do.

*****

I know that human is a social creature (we learned that at 3^rd grade?) Adam would be so lonely without Eve; Doraemon would have no one to yell at to if he had no Nobita as his (or its?) best friend; Ariel would be no one without his band buds, Ash lee will not be that interesting if Jessica weren’t a star; and Lisa Marie will be nothing but idiot If Elvis weren’t her father.  They just cannot live without others.  So I logically should feel the same, shouldn’t I?  But I just freakily thought I don’t need any of them.

I know it’s kind of cocky.  Without my family and friends I would be no one.  It’s the reality, and I truly realize it. But life has thought me many things.  It’s been a long time a go since I decided that I will ignore people, like the way they ignore me.  Despite of my eager to reach my goals in life, I never hope too much in any romantic things, weather friendship, fortune, love life, or even in my family.  Losing dream is just too painful…  So I learned to accept anything wisely.  I let all the people around do anything they like to do, as long as they don’t hurt me.  And I expect they will do the same to me in return.  As I don’t bother them, they don’t need to feel my existence.  I was satisfied.  I believe that people still playing my game, until last week…

I think I was such in a big trouble.  This very close friend of mine found out that I was telling him lies in way to cancel our meeting to have someone else with me. More than that, he caught in the act doing (very, very, very) wrong thing with that ‘someone else’ So he kept silent on me for two days, he yelled at me, he sent me this painful message, and other things that is hurting.  Well I thought I was doomed. 

It’s not that I didn’t realize that I was doing mistakes.  I was in full charge for every single wrong step that I took.  But I just never scared to do stupid things.  I thought “I just don’t give a s*** to the way people thinking of me.  I never got in their way, anyway…”

The thing that is that surprising is that very close friend of mine pays that much attention to me.  He said he checked my existence by the time he realize my phony reason, he said that he couldn’t sleep until the dawn came just because he worried for me.  And he felt terrible so it took two days to make him decided that he needed to warn me.  He even couldn’t say it straightly to my face, but by the painful message instead. 

It’s odd.

Just by the time I felt like I was alone in this world…  By the time I was separated hundred kilos away from home…  By the time I think no one would care…  By the time I believe that I was a matured woman with a total control of her self… 

This guy knocked me in the head and sends me back to earth.

World filled with strange people.  We’re just ones of them.  But nevertheless, I felt truly grateful that I still have these friends around during my pain and joy.  I regretfully ashamed to say, but even though I have these people around yelling at me, telling me how bad my way of behaving, I feel strangely happy deep down inside of me. 

I don’t know… Maybe being loved is not such a bad idea…

*****

PS:  Barley, Dhanni, Rhommy, Kris, Benny, Endah, Rina, Lusi, Yane, Tata,

       Fitri…  What am I without you, guys?  Thank you for bringing me back

       home from my evil road.  Hope our friendship last forever…