We can say it’s some kind of God’s willing, Destiny, Natural Character, or even a Curse, but it’s a fact:  Some people are just born to be annoying. And I’m one of them… 

Everyone knows, as far as I know myself, that I’m an extrovert kind of person.  I like hang out with people, I enjoy expressing my thoughts to them, I like helping others, I sympathize, I love making friends, and I am friendly and cheerful.  Well, at least in the beginning. 

It has been a habit of mine to try my best to make an appropriate kind of relationship with people.  I want them to like me.  I want them to feel happy and cozy whenever they’re around me.   I want them consider me as a nice person.  I want to be accepted by them.  But, this is the strange part, once I have reached my goals, or by the time I got what I want from them, which is friendship, or loyalty, or trust, I would suddenly turn into a very disturbance person for sure.  I did evil things to them.  I said things that are hurting.  I told them how bad they were when in reality I was the one who is bad all along.  And I have been doing it for the last 21 years to all of my family, friends, best friends, little kids (it’s true!  All of my toddler cousins are afraid of me because after I squeeze and hug and told them how I love them, I always make them scream and cry) and any other persons that I know, whether I realize it or not.  I don’t know about you, but in place where I was born and raised, and in any other civilization, normal people don’t hurt the ones whom they love.  They cherish them and they take say beautiful thing to them.  So my decision was there’s something that is completely wrong inside of my brain.  That has made me different from others.  That I might need cure or medical intention.

This phenomenon of hating-after loving so much process is always been some kind of wicked.  I don’t even know how I did that.  All I know was I found fewer friends around in the end, and my family think that I’m sick. 

As I grow up, I started to analyze my self, and I got to know it better.  I did, eventually, found the reason behind it.  It is actually my way to defend my self to people who loves me insincerely.  By doing bad things to people, they will feel annoyed.  And in normal condition, they would obviously start to keep a distance.  They would walk away.  They would think I’m not qualified to be their mates, with the reason of ‘non profitable dhi’ behind it.

But only my truly friends and family would stand still.  They’ll be disturbed also, but they won’t run away and gone.  They won’t stab me in the back.  They’ll start lecturing me instead of grumbling or even worse, keep silent or ignoring me.  They would show me my mistakes and tell me how to solve it.  They would hold my hands and telling me ‘What you’re doing is wrong, dhi, Let us find a way to fix it.  And believe me; you’ll be thanking me in the future’. 

And as I now looking at around me, I can see clearly how I’m surrounded with best friends.  Even though there’s not so many of them, I still feel lucky.  However, I got several friends of a lifetime who would happily share my pain and joy.  Not bad.  Even for me. 

But now that I’m in a totally new environment, and I have shown them I deserved to be their friend, I am now, once again, trapped in a situation that I have been through many times in life:  I just can’t stop piss them off!  It seems that the more I like people, the more annoying I am.  Usually it’s not such a big problem for me, since I already know that it’s actually good for me because it’s selecting people who are matched with me automatically.  But to telling you the truth here, I like my present surrounding.  I really do like them.  I don’t want them to keep off from me.  I don’t want them to think that I’m nothing but a big mouth fresh guy.  I don’t want them to think that I’m a jerk.  I want them to be around me forever.  I don’t want them to be my shoulders to cry on whenever I got troubles.  I want them to be my best friend till the day I die…

So here I am, once again, caught in the trap I made myself.  Telling myself I’ll be fine with no one, while deep down inside I know that it’s just a lie.  I’m not blaming anyone for this freaky disease I have.  But my message for anyone who is now mad at me because something I said or done, PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP ON ME.  I know you’ll be thinking I’m no more than an insane, foolish girl, that has no interest in taking care of others’ opinion (no matter how right it is)  But the fact is: I need you, I really do like you, I want you to be my forever friend.  Just be patient a little, you can even consider me as a helpless child if you like.  But once when we have through the rough journey, I promise you we can have a delightful friendship of a lifetime.  It should be fun. 

So, would you (please, please, please) be my friend?  J