When the Naughtiest Little Duck Cooks…

WHEN THE NAUGHTIEST LITTLE DUCK COOK…

Hi… Hi…  I’ve done the 99% of this article since a couple months a go, but I was too embarrass to post it.  But, okay now, it is no use to cover it up again.  So here I am, telling you my first experience of cooking. 

*****

DAY 1 OF ‘COOK CAMPAIGN’

The Morning

I know I’m not a really good wife after all.  Ever since my lovely hubby and I got married at about 1,5 weeks a go (ehm… ehm..  *nervous* I’m proudly announce: I’M MARRIED!!!  Bubbye, to all of the hot hunks I’ve met before… hiks..hiks..)  I’ve never cooked him anything.  I just bought something for dinner, and made fried rice for breakfast.  Fortunately, my hubby didn’t complain.  He’s simply understand.  But the more kind he was, the guiltier I felt.  Therefore, I made my decision of spending this time’s holiday with one thing in mind of Today’s

Mission

: COOKING. So I woke up that early day with a grin.  It was a bright holiday morning; I thought “What a perfect day!”  I’ve been planning this since yesterday.  I had (almost) all the spices I needed (I brought some of them from my momma’s house).  However, I still have to buy some fresh main material. 

So I shook my sleeping hubby’s back “Come on, you HAVE to accompany me to buy me things, I can’t cook without them!”  While whining, he agreed.  After I jotted down things that I needed to buy (the chosen one from the recipe book, the simplest food of all time, Sayur Sawi Putih). Then off we went to the nearest store. 

Nevertheless, as we got there, (still on my hubby’s ride) I saw lots of woman with the same intention as I did.  Then I felt my heart sink with shame.  I felt embarrassed, and thought, “Look at those professionals” At that moment, I told my hubby, “Hon, can we just go to some other place with fresher supply?  The vegetables there seem so wither” Yeah, I know I lied, but if I told him my true feeling, he’d hush me to buy them still, and advise me not to let my self being manipulated by such thought.

As I succeeded, we tried to find other vegetable seller with fewer buyers.  When we found it, to impress my hubby, I pretended to be my mother when she shopped.  She used to bargain almost everything she bought “How much does this cost, Sir?  What? Rp. 7000,-?  How about Rp. 5000,-?”  Of course, I did not make it.  He..  he..  I did not inherit my mother’s talent after all.  But since the seller were such a funny man, and I found out that the price quite cheap, we eventually bought it all full prices happily, and went home.  We just need one more material to complete my shop list, kaldu ayam (hell, I don’t know the English world for Indonesian phrase “kaldu ayam”/water used to boil chicken meat).  We couldn’t find it anywhere.  I thought “Oh well, never mind, I can make the food without it, anyway”

After I stuck everything to our fridge, and finished our bought breakfast (what an irony) I felt somewhat tired.  Therefore, I decided to take a rest for a while (stop protesting, it was a holiday; I could sleep at anytime I want).  “Don’t worry, Hon, I’ll make the food this afternoon.  Now leave me alone” 

The Afternoon

We woke up at 13.30 WIB.  And I haven’t cook anything yet.  It’s very late to have something cooked for lunch by this time. 

Then somehow, I did not feel the same enthusiastic as I had this morning.  I thought, “Why should I cook?  I can’t cook.  I won’t cook” Then I lazily told my hubby, “Can we just buy something for lunch, it’s too late to cook now.  And we’re starving, aren’t we?” *puppy eyes mode on* He’s such a nice kind of husband.  We had Bakmi Ayam as lunch that afternoon. 

The Evening        

My hubby was just a human.  He couldn’t resist to tempt me, “so you were saying this morning, that you wanted to cook?”  Blushed, I went to my kitchen.  It was a very small kitchen we have there.  While opening my stupid recipe book, I realized that I missed one material on that recipe, the celery.  I thought I didn’t read the book carefully.  So while cutting the vegetable, I wonder about kaldu ayam, and about the celery, and about the fact that I actually can’t cook, and about how my hubby will react when he ate my ‘future’ food with so much weakness in the making process. 

For your information, the food I mean here is the “soup/vegetable” part of food.  Each time we have breakfast, lunch or dinner, we should eat at least: rice, meat, and vegetable, fruits and milk.  I don’t consider processing meat as something edible as a problem.  I always can fry some nuggets or meatballs.  I think making soup is the hardest part of cooking, because it involves lots of spices and rules.  You can’t just put it all in one place and cook it.  It needs special techniques.  This is my real problem in cooking.

I suddenly got confused, and nervous.  It’s like you’re having a final exam on your face, and you don’t know what to do with the questions, since you didn’t study before.  Exactly the same, because I never learn how to cook before either.  I was like a child that got excited by something that she never knew before, and when it’s come the time she face the truth, she felt that she actually doesn’t like it, and move backward. 

So there I was, feeling like the world spinning around me.  I’m not ready for this.  I just couldn’t do it.  Not now.  Maybe, not even in this lifetime.   

As I tried to figure whether, I should runaway or make one very good reason of why-I-couldn’t-cook-this-evening, the light suddenly turned off.  A BLACK OUT from the state’s electric company. 

My mind was automatically ticking.  This means, we couldn’t get any light and couldn’t watch the TV.  The water supply would be stopped for a while too.  Eh?  The stopped water supply means, I can’t have any fresh water to clean the food materials and to watering the soup.   Hooraaayyyy!!!  HUA..HA..HA..HA..HA..HA..  The only thing to do next was putting a regretful face to report my condition to my hubby, and then I’ll be freed from the silly job of feeding my family. 

Hue

..he..he..  I know it’s kind of tricky, but hell, I’d do anything as long as I didn’t have to cook today (naughty!  naughty!)

As I did that, I felt like I’ve been saved, even though the face of my empathic innocent hubby made me feel a little bit guilty.  Whatever! 

Note:  that evening, my mother in law came to visit our house.  Below was our conversation:

Mother In Law      : “What did you cook today, Sweetheart?”

Me                      : “Uhm… *nervous* We ate Bakmie Ayam for lunch?”

Mother in Law      : “Ooh, *cynical* you can’t have too much of it, you know? 

                               It’s not good for your health… bla… bla…bla…”

Me                      : “………”

So she finally start the advising things…  That’s okay…  I can bear it… As always, People’s words affect me nothing. 

DAY 2 OF ‘COOK CAMPAIGN’

Weekdays, and I was so tired.  We bought our food

DAY 3 OF ‘COOK CAMPAIGN’

Still bought our food

DAY 4 OF ‘COOK CAMPAIGN’

Even though we have put the food materials in our (new shiny) fridge, *ehm..  ehm… we broke our piggy bank to bought it* they still looked a little bit wither.  I thought I have to do something.  Something that I really don’t like.  Cook the food now, before the materials rot.

I took a (very, very, very) deep breath.  Now or never, I thought.  So I prayed, and made my decision.  I took the vegetables, and start slicing with pathetic expression onion, garlic, sausages, meatballs, tofu, and celery (I finally bought it this evening). 

Then I put the pan on the stove, pour some oil, and wait for it to get hot. 

Then the incident suddenly happened. 

“BANG!!!”  *LOUD sound of breaking glass*

Dear Allah, what else this time?

My hubby and my brother in law ran after me to the kitchen. 

“What’s going on?”  My hubby said.

“I don’t know,” I said.  I truly did.  Something breaking, from the shape and the color, I think it’s formerly a plate.  The pieces of glasses shattered around the stove, but the strange thing was, they’re not as many as a breaking glass plate should be.  Where did the rest of them go? 

After some hard time tried to find where the other breaking glass, my hubby finally said, “Well, well, what’s this,?”  while pointing his finger to the top of the stove, below the pan.

Then we found out, that somehow, I put a plate on the stove.  I meant to put it there for a minute, while I cleaned my kitchen table (the plate was formerly there).  After a while, I forgot about it, and PUT MY PAN RIGHT UPON IT, AND THEN TURN THE STOVE ON.  Of course, the flame of the fire burns the pan, along with the glass plate under it.  That’s why the plate torn apart into pieces and flew everywhere.  DODOOOOLLLLL….. >:-o

It was such a scary moment.  I couldn’t imagine what would happened next if the fire burnt the glass longer.   I was so shocked that my hubby told me to calm down, and go to the other room.  He and my brother in law then cleaned up the mess I made.  The pieces of the glass ware so hot, that they melt the plastic that they used to carry them.  They then used a box of carton instead. 

Watching the hectic caused by my silliness, I sat down and wonder.

How did this happen to me, dear Allah? 

Yesterday You turned off the light.  I lost my hesitation to feed my family for four days, and when I have it back, You made me almost burn down the house.

Can’t You just let me cook without anything bad occurred?

My daydreaming stopped by the time my hubby and his brother finished cleaning up the kitchen.  To honor their hard work, I went back there, starred at everything.  Then I saw the chopped up tofu, and other things I put on the table.  Then I think, “Never say Never, dhi.  Just never”

So there I was.  Stood by the kitchen.   Continued my job.  The fun thing was, my hubby came to help.  He stirred the food, He sliced the meat, and he helped at everything that I thought the food made by both of us, instead of by my own.

Thirty minutes later, the food’s done.  Then I feel it.  The magical feeling of having something right finished well.  The feeling of cooking your family dinner.  The feeling of a great Chef *over confident J* I eventually screamed it aloud: “HUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA… My first Food” *ILY*

Hi..  hi.. So after waiting for four days, after (pretending) to blame PT PLN for the black out, after almost burning down the house, we’re finally had our dinner without have to buy from a strange chef.  Healthier, fresher (uhm, it’s not actually fresher), cheaper, and of course, my hubby love it more (at least that’s what he told me) I was so happy that while other’s having their dinner, I was busied by taking pictures of my first food.  I made it as a habit for my others next food.  I took pictures of them since I was too proud of them.  You can see one of it below this article later on.  It looks great.  I named it “Sayur Cap Cay a la the cutest naughty little duck (I lost the picture of Sayur Sawi Putih)” :-)))

AND IT TASTED SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!!!!!

I actually don’t want to brag it up here, but I my hubby LOVES it like crazy.  That is the only thing that matters :-“) I now can proudly say: 

Mission

’s Accomplished! 

Wall anyway…, with this successful try out, maybe I’ll cook my family more often in the future.  Maybe…

Note: 

As my hubby liked my food, he rushed to tell her mother about it when she came to visit us.  Below was our conversation:

My Hubby             : “Mom, Dhitta made us Sayur Sawi for yesterday’s dinner!”

                             *Proud*

Me                      : “Uhm, it’s not that great actually.  I took the recipe from a

                             Book” *ashamed*

Mother in Law      : *looked at me*  You need a recipe only to cook Sayur

                             Sawi?”

Me                      : “…….”  *Rolled eyes*

*****

My massage here would be?  Cooking is actually fun, girls!!! Don’t be afraid to try it.  You’ll enjoy the magic feeling of “making something out of you”.  It’s really no hard, you can get the recipe from everywhere.  Even they now sell instant spices to make it easier for you (he..he.. nasehat ga bener neh! Always use natural materials and spices, they’re healthier!)

I know you could be the greatest chef for your family… 

But for your family only loh yaaaaa… Hwakakakakakakkkk… J  Just kidding.

Fight!  Fight!  Fight!

Cook with love, and from your heart.. :-”)

How I looveee cooking… :-")

==PERFECTION==

PERFECTION

To me you’re perfect.

Your smile,

Your laugh,

Your grin,

Just perfect.

To me you’re perfect.

Your affection,

Your passion,

Your hesitation,

Just perfect.

Perfect, all of you …

Your anger,

Your guilt,

Your sorry,

Your sadness,

Your happiness,

Your childish behaviors,

Your maturity,

Your fond to sweets,

Your regret,

Your craziness,

Your mistakes,

Your fool acts,

Your sloppiness,

Your brick head,

Your ability in fixing and messing things,

Your strength,

Your tears,

Your temperamental emotion,

Your whispers,

Your yells,

Your eyes,

Your teeth,

Your skin,

Your jealousy

Your strict rules,

Your possessiveness,

Your faith,

Your love.

To me you’re everything.

You completed me.

Okay, I know you’re not that perfect,

But your imperfections made a whole perfection.

To me you’re perfect.

Mind, body and soul.

Just perfect.

========================

Written by: dhi

Dedicated to: my dearest dang dendy

June 19, 2007

What I Want is What I’ve Got (???)

For all of you Drama Queens out there, who think your lifes are more miserable than others and constantly feeling blue, herewith I give you a very nice song from Westlife, about reaching something that you want in life, by being stubborn in the process   But make sure you read the article right below the song lyric, please.  You won’t regret it, I promise!

*****

What I Want is What I’ve Got

All that I want
in my life
is the feeling of peace
Deep within me truly

I took a chance
I let go
I promised myself
That it wouldn’t scare me

Miracles appear I know
Now I can see it show
‘Cause I

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Life is too short
To hold back
I won’t live in the past
Being lonely now I know
This is the time
Of my life
Yes I’m sure what I want
Is what I’ve got

Miracles appear I know
Now I can see it show
‘Cause I

Found out what I dreamt of
And I looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Now I’ve found out what I’ve
Been dreaming of
It’s the feeling of peace deep within me
Cause life is too short to hold back
I made up my mind I just

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

Found out what I dreamt of
And looked it up
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got
Found out what was missing
And I looked it up and
At this very moment
What I want is what I’ve got

*****

Great song, isn’t it?  Well, I think the song is soooo describing my character.  So I was so ‘in’ with the song by the first time I heard it years a go.

But as you all know, something that is too much is not really that cool.

Hmm… through my 22 years of life time, I’ve been studying a lot of thing.  Not always getting what you want is one of them.  You see, it would be so much fun if we always got what we want.  Okay, I know, you don’t just sit around waiting for miracles fall from the sky.  In fact, you have put so much effort on it.  Your constant prays, and your undying trial.  Not to mention, your hard willingness.  After all of those, you wish Allah will give you what you want.  As simple as that.  Because the theory they teach us: no guts, no glory!  And you trust it.

But sometimes, that’s not how it works, sweetie pie!

In some special condition, you’ll find out, that no matter how hard you tried, eventually, Allah might refused to let you get what you really wished to have. 

You might hate Allah at this point, because you have done like EVERYTHING you could do to reach you goal.  But Allah messed it up, just by saying ‘No!’  You’ll be wondering “Where did I do wrong?  I’ve done every possible way I could, even the most impossible ones.  What did I do to receive this as my paycheck?  It’s not fair!”

You think you’re smart, eh?  Well baby, Allah’s even SMARTER!!!  Allah can do math better than you, you know (how can Allah not?  Allah’s the one who MADE it) So Allah can calculate everything with ABSOLUTE precise, including YOUR life.  You just have to put one thing in mind, that Allah really do LOVES you.  That Allah has something in mind when Allah decided not to let you happy at the present moment.  Allah saves it a little bit longer; to give you even BIGGER pleasure at the end.  That Allah knows what’s best for you, because Allah is the only one who knows you, better than anything else in this whole world.

My close friend once told me “Allah is what you think Allah is” Uhm, I think I translated it wrong… Or in Indonesia: Allah said “Aku adalah prasangka hambaku”  So DON’T YOU EVER dare assumed that Allah doesn’t love you.  Because Allah might let what you think comes true. Just to show you Allah’s power, or to punish you for letting evil’s charm lingered on your thoughts.  Nope, I won’t let that happen to me.  Never!  Insya Allah

So honey, when everything gets rough, just be patient a little.  If you can’t have your dream BIG STAR above, after you tried maximally of course, try to grab another.  I’m not telling you to move backward, because we shouldn’t move backward.  I’m just saying, try to grab another star.  If it doesn’t look any brighter than your former one, maybe it’s because that other star is farther.  Again, be patient and have faith to reach it.  If you still can’t have it, don’t quit the fight and try to do the same thing at another star, and so on, and so on.  HIDUP ADALAH PERJUANGAN.  We all are nothing but a bunch of fighters in this dessert of life.  You already know that, don’t you?

So if people asked me, do I always get what I want in life, I’d say:  not really. But i feel cool about it, though :-)’

Well anyway, I dedicated this article for one of my best friend.  She’s kind of sad lately.  And watching her destructing herself with me can do nothing about it but posting this silly article just killing me.  I just want to let her know, that I’ve been in her position, even worse I think.  And trust me, it’ll go by.  With Allah within you, you’ll have again that sweet smile of yours on your face soon.  Trust me, baby! 

We all love you, you know… 

So love yourself as well! >:-O

The Fighthers!

…About A Boy…

This boy I’m telling you, he’s kind of special…  :“)

****

When the first time I met  him, he already gave me a bad impression of him by asking this very impolite question:

”So you were born at 1984?  Gees Dhitta, you’re so old” 

Damn him. 

The subject of Basic English made us shared the same team.  It all started when I tried to collect some information about all of my team mates, or at least trying to get to know and remember their faces since we were just met. So I could draw their attention to me, I shouted each one of their names loudly to the class. Then he came near me, claiming that he’s one of my team mates.  At one point of our small talks, he asked my year of birth.  And when he got my answer, he then stated the hurting question I mentioned in this early article.  I just couldn’t help to hate him since.  Teenagers! Very insensitive!  Being three years younger than me doesn’t make him has the right to insult me.  My little brother who is four years younger than me doesn’t do that, you cocky moron!   You think you’re so great, huh?  Well for your information, I do too, work in a company that is owned by the government.  In fact, I think mine’s better because we have things to sell, not just sit around and auditing other people’s financial statement.  Beat that!

But since he was smart, and I always thought that smart boys are just damn sexy (and I think in some sort of point of view he’s quite cute), we got closer each week.  The task to give the class a presentation had made us discussed things.  Lots of things.  We shared our opinion about our companies, our studies (hell, of course we do!), even our love lives.  I sat right beside him in class.  We cooperated at tests (whoops!)   We had dinner together.  We became best friends.

Until that night, November 25, during the Computer Application class, while laughing (his defense: “it was to cover my nervousness!”) he asked me to be his girl (he already broke up with his girl by that time)  Aaaawww…. Could this little boy be any nicer than that?  So I, with the same silliness he had that night, painted the sentence “I do” in the very old fashioned computer in front of me.  I thought coldly, “He’s definitely not that bad, just to have some fun time around”

He broke me up the three days after. 

Only for proposing me right after it.

Ya Allah, what kind of guy you sent me here?  An angel?

Well anyway, I won’t tell you what answer I gave him, but we had our first date yesterday, precisely a month after he asked me to be his lover (it was pure coincident, we didn’t plan it, the day just matched like that) And by the time we sat together in front of my dorm (they forbid us to welcome a guest in our room after nine pm.  Yeah, they’re suck) I saw it, in his eyes, the undemanding love that I’ve been desperately searching for all this time.  And only a fool would throw away a man like him, who doesn’t care about your family background, your scandalous love life, your stubborn and lame brain, and even your fats, but you.  I decided not to be one.

So there we were under the night sky which was accessorized by beautiful fireworks (they’re actually for celebrating Christmas, but I positively assumed that they’re lighted especially for us) holding each other’s hand, and simply felt this warm and happiness inside our hearts.

Then I silently pray “God, I think I love him.  Please don’t take him away from me until death do us part.  Hmm, actually You have the right to take him at any time You wish, but… at least, don’t be too hurry.  Amin” 

Then you look at me

And I always see

What I have been searching for

I’m lost as can be

Then you look at me

And I am not lost anymore…

-Then You Look at Me, Celine Dion-

***

Dedicated to…  Hmm, he knows who he is, in celebrating his birthday on January 7.  I thank God for that sweet limitless affection of yours. I just can’t wait until it’s come our time to declare our vow to the world so I can give you all of me.  See you later, boy! 

…my baby boy…

Friday the 27th - ‘Cause I Had a Bad Day!!!

I just had my worst bad day ever. And yup, that sucks!  Well, to be honest, I’ve never been that freaky girl who believes all those stupid (whoops!) astrologic stuffs.  I think it’s just some kind of silly-pathetic-ridiculous branch of knowledge.  Well at least my religion told me so.  I even refuse its existence (no offense please, you astrology fans) Having to say that, please understand that my latest bad day has nothing to do with any greedy fortune teller’s prediction.  Totally caused by my own mistakes, or sins, I should say.  Anyway here the story goes…. (yes, I know, it is a long article)

*****

It was a bright sunny day of Friday, October 27 and for me, it was my last day of Idul Fitri Holidays.  People tend to take Sunday, October 29 as the moment they end their long holidays.  But I decided to come to office early at Saturday to fix the mess I left before the holidays begin (bad employee!)  That means I have to be on my dorm by Friday.  The problem was, that Friday evening (around 4.30 pm) I was still at the warnet.  With my cousin.  Browsing for Advent Children (for me: specified the searching to one simple keyword ‘Kadaj’ –how I love that evil bishie!-)  at

Deviant

Art

Website

(and oh, it’s a very recommended site for artists, though.  Or artist wannabe like me) And the warnet, actually, located at Bekasi Timur.  And I haven’t packed my stuffs.  And I haven’t done my Ashar pray.  And when we got home (my cousin’s crib, also located at Bekasi Timur), both my uncle and aunt was still enjoying their naps, so it would be awkward enough to have their permit (in the not too distant time, I found this as my luck)  Those mess, and it took at least four hours to reach Tangerang from there. 

So I was PANICKED!!!

But as I just never give a damn to such troubles, I decided to go home still.  So there I was, stood alone among the Pengamen Jalanan, Preman-preman and Pedagang Kaki Lima (sorry, haven’t got the right words to call them in English) of Bulak Kapal, Bekasi (Bekasi, masih di Bekasi loh!) and it was almost 6.00 pm.  And i got nervous (nervous, worried, scared, whatever you may say).  It was not there were any public transportation that came by, but I was just too picky in choosing the right one for me.  I took the time a little bit too long to decide which one I would have to take me home.  As the time was running out, I desperately got on a bus, which was totally a stupid option.  MASA MO KE TANGERANG NAIK BUS JURUSAN BEKASI – LEBAK BULUS SEH DHI???!!! 

Kan

ada yang ke Blok M, ada yang ke Kebun Nanas, even ada yang ke Kali Deres.  Wasted time and money, you poor pathetic girl.  Dasar stupid, stupid 100x.  So guys, that made my bad day #1.

But life goes on.  To reduce my guilty feeling, I tried to make my reasons of why-I-don’t-regret-this-route, even though I have wasted my precious time (getting dark out there) and doubled the cost (akhir bulan neh, dan saya menderita pasca-lebaran-financial-condition-syndrom) during the journey (mana ngetemnya lammmaaa dan macet buanget lage!)  While promised my self not to do the same fool twice, of course.  Heh!  Finally, approaching Lebak Bulus Terminal (you know, the journey was felt sooo long.  No wonder the bus fee quite expensive.  Rp. 7000,- bo!)

But as I continued my journey to Ciputat, the next foolish action happened though.  Why did I choose to sit right behind the driver’s place?  And why did I pick the minibus with fewer passengers?  The results of those were: the driver didn’t stop teasing me (you’re beautiful, you know –hellowww?  Already know that, and even though he was young and quite handsome, hell I wasn’t proud!-, where do you live?  From Bekasi, right?, etc… etc…) and since I was the only passenger he had, he dropped me off half the journey (again, doubled the cost)  Then when I got off the minibus, I slipped on my high heels (when did I not?) and the teaser driver saw it.  But whatever!  And oh, the sexual harassment didn’t stop there.  The next driver put his fingers on mine with purpose a little bit too long when I gave him the transportation fee.  Ass hole!!!  If I was I a girl who cared or easily offended by such things, I would smack him.  But again, whatever!  And those, made my bad day #2.  God, when would this ever stopped?  T__T

Well I’m telling you, Allah SWT had no mercy on me that day.  Again, for the third time within less than 3 hours, I got on the wrong transportation (Do you notice how imbecilic I was?  Do you?  Do you?)  So it was almost 08.00 pm.  And since Gading Serpong has this silly regulation not to let any 4 wheeled public transportation operates after that time to let the Ojek Bikers have the opportunities to have passengers, I had to hurry (Iyalah, it’s not that I don’t have the empathy for them, but they’re cost 4 times the public transportation fee, so I have to be wise)  So this ‘got to be hurry’ thing had me expend a lot.

You know, from one particular angle/point of view, I noticed that there are two types of kids.  The first type is the ones who have a critical thought.  They excited and curious by things, and have the willingness to find out what those are.  The second type is…. Well the opposite of first one, they are the ones who think themselves as the center of the universe, and don’t even seem to care to what happens around them.  Not until they feel like they want to, or have to.  And for your information, I am (OF COURSE!) one of the second ones.

So I didn’t give a damn when I saw the road outside wasn’t like the one I used to have when I got back from BSD to Gading Serpong.  The minibus took the rural route.  Crossed some villagers’ residents.  But then I thought, ‘chill out, you insecure girl.  Maybe they have some road to fix, so they took this route and I kept on my daydreaming.  But hey, it’s kind of odd.  The bumpy road seemed had no end.  They didn’t seem to turn to some smoother protocol road anytime soon.  After some deep thought I decided to ask the woman beside me.  ‘Excuse me Mam, where does this minibus actually headed to?’  Her answer shocked me ‘To Ciputat.  Why?’  WTF!!!  Instead of take the route to BSD, I mysteriously took the one to Ciputat.  It means I took a completely wrong minibus, to turn back from where I just came.  How did I take this God damn vehicle at the first place anyway???

I eventually remembered, the driver on previous minibus pointed at this minibus and told me ‘that one goes to Cikokol’ (to reach Gading Serpong, we can use the BSD – Cikokol route)  So this guy gave me the wrong direction, then.  Jack Ass!!!  As I pissed off, I suddenly realized, maybe what he meant was ‘there, wait there’ instead of ‘take the minibus over there’  Stupid, stupid 1.000x. 

They then dropped me off half way (for the 2^nd time during the day!) in the middle of nowhere.  And there was no sign of any other minibus crossing the road.  In fact, there was nothing there.  The street was totally dull.  And I was getting nervous (nervous, worried, scared, whatever!)

Luckily for me (Hey, Allah SWT still loves me anyway!) Not far behind me, there was a bunch of people sitting around.  They were the local Ojek Bikers, I thought.  In the middle of my confusion, one of them came approaching.  Then he kindly told me that there is no public transportation that might come at the moment.  It was some kind of purview.  They just don’t operate around that time.  The same stupid regulation we have in Gading Serpong.  He suggested me to have an Ojek Bikers to escort me back to BSD Terminal.  Since I had no other choice, I agreed.  The kind man called his friend to take me, and told him not to charge me too expensive, since they only wanted to help me.  Awwww…. These strangers ware just too sweet.

My Ojek Biker, who had the same kindness as the man before, tried to cheer me up.  His sympathy relieved me.  He explain many things about this middle-of-nowhere place.  It’s called Rawa Lele.  Hua..ha..ha..  My poor pathetic soul.  When it came to my time to cast away, even the name of the place sounds funny. (and by the way, the place was a swamp back in the days)  And this, dear friends, made my bad day #3. 

And to complete my day, I had a stomached during my BSD – Gading Serpong journey.  A truly was a painful one. My maag, I guess.  I haven’t got anything today except my lunch.  Thank God I’m a tough girl.  Otherwise, I would cry out for the stomached didn’t just go after a while.  I managed not to faint, eventually.  But I consider this as what made my bad day #4.

Having to have these obstacles, I wondered what I did I do so I deserved this horrible journey.  Then I tried to dig my memories to track back my previous act.  Then I came to one conclusion that I did deserve this.  There were just too many hints.  Just didn’t realize it.  So let’s flash back to that Friday Morning.

I was still at Bekasi at that time.  It was quite peaceful though.  I even managed to wake up early so I could do my Shubuh Pray. (But wait, that dawn, I dropped my beloved cell phone from the height of a Computer Desk.  Was that some kind of sign?)   I then finished my cousin’s collection of Fruit Basket Manga lazily (hi..hi.. Sweetest moment in life is the simplest thing).  There was no something special happened.  Until I got this call from my Mother. 

She asked me ‘When will you back to your dorm?  Your little sister and I are planning to have a visit there, you see’  ??????  Oh my God!  That just ruined my happy morning.  I didn’t mind at all if my dearest Mother wanted to visit me (like she never done that unconfirmed-before-visit aja seh?)  But my sister?  That God-damn-beautiful-irritating little creature?  NO WAY, you evil!  I can still remember clearly how you messed up with my place, borrowed my clothes (and never give them back), stole (yup! STOLE) some of my precious belonging that you had interest in legally (because Mom was at her back) and other bothering things once we were still live at the same roof.  I managed to start my life from the beginning when I moved to my dorm, and I won’t let you infuriate me for the second time ever.  Okay, okay, I know it was just one visit, that I might be too overreacted.  But I was sured that she could do anything undesirable/I don’t desire with my present beloved room (it’s kind of filthy, but I still love it)

So even though I had the opportunity to go back home that Friday morning to have those ‘honored guests’ by the evening, I told Mom that I’ll be back home tomorrow morning, and suggested her to visit me on Monday instead (by that time, my little sister would have be back to work. Hi..hi..hi..)  While decided (in my thought, of course) to stick with my plan on going back home this evening to have some time surfing the net by the afternoon.  So this is the first hint or my first action that I would cause me disaster today:  LIED TO MY MOM AND ACTED CRUEL TO MY LITTLE SISTER.   

Then when I told my Uncle and Aunt about my plan to go home this evening (I didn’t tell them my bad behavior to my Mother and Sister.  If I did, they’d be pissed of for sure, and I didn’t want it to happen) they said ‘It’s not good for a girl to go home that late.  Stay here until tomorrow, neng!’  But I insisted.  And took my permit while they were taking their naps, so they could do nothing about it (like I said before, their naps came to my luck)  And this 2^nd bad attitude made my curse make sense: DISOBEYING THE ELDERS’ ADVICE. 

Well those two OBVIOUS hints should’ve reminded me about things that would happen after.  But my brick head told me to keep moving on and ignored the little voice inside of me.  You devilish girl!!!

Having to remember that, I suddenly got these blushes on my cheeks.  No wonder, then!!!  I deserve even more, I thought.  Allah SWT was just toooo kind.

Well anyway, I finally managed to get to my dorm safely.  I then had my late dinner (my stomached disappeared afterward!)  Did my Isya Pray (missed the Maghrib) and watched ‘Jomblo’ at a private local TV station (would somebody tell me why the hell did the they title the movie ‘Jomblo’  There were four main characters in it, and at least two of them were definitely taken.  But still worship the handsome Christian Sugiono though)  and hastily wrote this story until 1.30 am.  Hi..hi.. I can’t wait until tomorrow to make the draft done.  I mean, I wanted to make this one’s article as the Memoir of my Stupidity.  That, and to prove my theory that Allah SWT, with the very typical ways, always punishes me not too long from where I did the sins.  Take this today’s case as an example.  Allah SWT punishes me with the hectic journey home at the very same day when I lied to my Mother and ignored my Uncle and Aunt.  Allah SWT works very fast.  And this is what stopped me from doing bigger criminal action.  Let’s say if I killed someone someday.  Maybe I would get my self killed also the next day. Uhmmm…  I better let not that happen, don’t I?  Never doubt You, dear Lord o__O;

I eventually understand this.  I’ll take today’s incidents as a lesson (why do  I always learn my lesson the hard ways?)  I’ll behave better next time.  I’ll try not to tell people lies.  I’ll try to respect people more and give them another chance.  I’ll listen to what people said.  Well, I’m not promising You anything here, God.  But I said I’ll try.  Thank You for the blessing today.  It could’ve been worse, but You still care for me.  Well it’s not that I didn’t know that, but thanks anyway.  I also thank for all the strangers who helped me today (they helped sincerely, and it surprised me)  Even to my cousin who constantly checked my condition up through her text.  Only God can pay your kindness back.

And for the people I cheated on, my Mother, my Little Sister, may Uncle and Aunt, I might not have the guts to tell this sorry to you all straightly, but at least through this posted article, I let the whole world knows.  So I’m so SORRY!  I’ll try not to let that happens twice.

So I think the right soundtrack for this article would be Daniel Powter’s Bad Day, huh?  And oh, Ada Band’s Manusia Bodoh.  Hi..hi..hi..

LIKE A HYPER JOY!!! >:-)’

For everyone’s attention, and to you, too, dear Lord, it’s been the roughest time of my life ever.  So here I am, throwing you, and You, some of my cranky thoughts….  But cheer up still, gals… J 

Warning:  If your current feeling is blue, better not read this one.  I’m being me, that’s all the wrong thing in the article.  But I still think that you could learn few things in it, though.  At least at my positive point of view in seeing troubles.  Luv ya!!!

*****

Fact1:  I’m still having my hard day’s night

Hue

..he..he.. Everyone knows that I’m totally a kick-ass girl.  Well, let’s admit, as the assistant of the most authorized person in my office, they often felt kind of frightened to my presence, to which it would be possible for them to have the boss’ instruction through my very own mouth every time I got near them (biasanya anak-anak Pemasaran neh, hue..he..he..)  That’s fun; actually, I enjoyed every single fear that can be noticed from those pathetic souls of typical workers.  But suddenly… this woman came, with her ‘amazing’ intellectuality, full of energy and charming personality, blasted in blur, ruined my working method, and my heart, at the same time.  Since her position is upper than me, I nodded, I blowed up all the ‘yes, Mam’-thing, I agreed, I obeyed, and I was captivated in a very complicated way.  But anyhow, the Rebellious Dhi still inside.  So no matter how many times I show her my smiley face, I keep fighting on her in my own way, and still convincing my self that she’s suck, with every single wrong step or silly stuffs she did.  Hua..ha..ha..  I STILL RULE AND IN FULL CONTROL, B*****!!!

Conclusion:  I ‘aint mad because of her.  I full opened for any critics, so I deal with her wisely…

Fact2:  The one I loved dumped me

Okay now, don’t be such pansies.  I mean I truly realize that I never had his heart in the very first place, anyway.  So why feel bothered?  Then let me explain.  This guy was once totally rockin’ my damn world.  It’s not every day you meet someone who understands you inside and outside, treats you like you’re his sweet little sister, protects you and defends you, answers all of your questions, takes a very care of you, and being a picture perfect of your soul mate of your life, etc… etc…  But in case of him doing all of those sweet things just to have an opportunity to take an advantage of you is truly gave you an annoyed thoughts.  I mean, I’m no easy girl.  Okay, maybe I looked like one, but I never surrender my self or my heart, to a stranger.  So this guy definitely successful in making me looked and felt like a jack ass with this masking and acting stuff of his.  Ass hole!!!  But nevertheless, I’m still the perfect woman for my self.  Nothing else matters, then.  Beside, like what they say about ‘there’s always a silver lining in every cloud’ I found out that the statement was kind of true.  At the bright sight, I now have the ability to identify those ‘bastards’ so I won’t fall at the same crack twice, thanks to him.  So it’s all worth it.

Conclusion:  He affects me nothing!!!   Like I care, geto loh…

Fact3:  My surroundings are smarter than me!!! *feeling kinda insecure*

What a lame girl.  I always know that I’m stupid (the word ‘stupid’ here means its real definition) I actually the stupidest one in the family.  My beloved Father was not some kind of pretty boy, but God blessed him with bright thoughts.  He was such a brainy, and it has ran in the family.  My other two siblings are just damn clever children (but unfortunately with less power to struggle) But not to me.  I always had to try fucking hard for my wills.  I managed to survive from them eventually.  But with this new surrounding, hold on right there, girl!  You’re just not as good as you think!  It’s a real big world out there.  Even though I fully realize my position and how lucky I am to be here along with those great guys, I sometimes felt kind of intimidated with my educational background compared to others’ I always believe that I’m a genius (self confidence is good J) So it is true, I’m better than them emotionally (FROM MY OWN POINT OF VIEW, no need to pissed of, bro!) but when it comes to the intellectual side, I step beside.  But no worry, someday soon, I’ll be totally better than all of them (again, FROM MY OWN POINT OF VIEW)  All because I already started on my class since this September, majoring in Accounting (wohoho…  Sok bangget yatz, mao jadi Akuntan, bumpy road ahead, sweetie pie T__T)  But to be back to school and once again being a student is sort of fun.  Like it….

Conclusion:  How dare you to tell me that I’m nothing but a Fool!!!  Liat empat

                   tahun lagi yatz!!!

Fact4:  My dearest mother told me that she thought that I never loved her!!!

WTF?!?!  Hallloowwwww……?  My main purpose of working would be you, dear mother!!!  How could you say that?  It’s true that I never love that mother of yours, but you are the one that I soberly cherish for all these times.  It is true that I haven’t got the time to visit you more often yet, but our heart connection is not depended on that. And it is true that I will never even get the nominee for ‘Best Daughter Award, if there any such a competition, but I love you truly.  For God’s sake, Mom…

Conclusion:  Parents!!!  *Speechless* o__O;

Huffff….  What a relive to let them all out of me T~T  Sorry if you have to hear those (take the consequences, pals.  Why the hell you read this at the very first place anyway?  It’s not that I didn’t warn you :-P)

But as I always try to see at things positively, I think I have no complaining.  Did I complaining?  Kayanya engga dhe :-“)  Maybe I’m being too narcist, but I always believe that Allah SWT The Al Mighty still loves me, even if it’s shown with the strangest ways.  Hell, I’m ALIVE and KICKIN’ it’s like you’re having a super duper hyper joy around (Hey, what else would you ask if you’re having your faith, family, friends, proper job and affection in your hands.  They might be not the perfect ones, but they all yours) I already got this far, I won’t regret any of it.  Well, maybe some little embarrassing moments   But I got everything I needed just right here.  Just have to be more patient and keep improving my self next time, if I wanted to reach something bigger.  I know I can make it if I just tried (Huaaa…. Jangan bosen ma quote ini yatz…. It’s my favorite one, baby!!!)

Keeping the habit, I put here some beautiful saying of my favorite current local band, Nidji (I really do love the lyrics, even though I don’t even know the title):

“Here we are, try to reach the stars,

We are getting higher on and on,

Go! Go! Go!

Like a hyper joy, we came along this far,

We are getting bigger on and on,

We’re untouchables!!!”

*****

The implicit message in this one’s article would be: JUST NEVER QUIT THE FIGHT, SISTA!  NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS!  You go gals!!!

For Siska, thank you for encouraging me to keep writing the blog.  Haven’t got the mood yet, until you sent me your beautiful testimonial!  In way to send mine for you.  Luv u!  Looking forward to have another fun time with you next time!

Hm… do I looked desperate?  Aaaarggghhhh!!!!  Get out of here!!!

Me and My Best Friends…

Hi… hi…  It is amazing how you will NEVER know just what people would do in way to show you their reaction to things that you do.

*****

I know that human is a social creature (we learned that at 3^rd grade?) Adam would be so lonely without Eve; Doraemon would have no one to yell at to if he had no Nobita as his (or its?) best friend; Ariel would be no one without his band buds, Ash lee will not be that interesting if Jessica weren’t a star; and Lisa Marie will be nothing but idiot If Elvis weren’t her father.  They just cannot live without others.  So I logically should feel the same, shouldn’t I?  But I just freakily thought I don’t need any of them.

I know it’s kind of cocky.  Without my family and friends I would be no one.  It’s the reality, and I truly realize it. But life has thought me many things.  It’s been a long time a go since I decided that I will ignore people, like the way they ignore me.  Despite of my eager to reach my goals in life, I never hope too much in any romantic things, weather friendship, fortune, love life, or even in my family.  Losing dream is just too painful…  So I learned to accept anything wisely.  I let all the people around do anything they like to do, as long as they don’t hurt me.  And I expect they will do the same to me in return.  As I don’t bother them, they don’t need to feel my existence.  I was satisfied.  I believe that people still playing my game, until last week…

I think I was such in a big trouble.  This very close friend of mine found out that I was telling him lies in way to cancel our meeting to have someone else with me. More than that, he caught in the act doing (very, very, very) wrong thing with that ‘someone else’ So he kept silent on me for two days, he yelled at me, he sent me this painful message, and other things that is hurting.  Well I thought I was doomed. 

It’s not that I didn’t realize that I was doing mistakes.  I was in full charge for every single wrong step that I took.  But I just never scared to do stupid things.  I thought “I just don’t give a s*** to the way people thinking of me.  I never got in their way, anyway…”

The thing that is that surprising is that very close friend of mine pays that much attention to me.  He said he checked my existence by the time he realize my phony reason, he said that he couldn’t sleep until the dawn came just because he worried for me.  And he felt terrible so it took two days to make him decided that he needed to warn me.  He even couldn’t say it straightly to my face, but by the painful message instead. 

It’s odd.

Just by the time I felt like I was alone in this world…  By the time I was separated hundred kilos away from home…  By the time I think no one would care…  By the time I believe that I was a matured woman with a total control of her self… 

This guy knocked me in the head and sends me back to earth.

World filled with strange people.  We’re just ones of them.  But nevertheless, I felt truly grateful that I still have these friends around during my pain and joy.  I regretfully ashamed to say, but even though I have these people around yelling at me, telling me how bad my way of behaving, I feel strangely happy deep down inside of me. 

I don’t know… Maybe being loved is not such a bad idea…

*****

PS:  Barley, Dhanni, Rhommy, Kris, Benny, Endah, Rina, Lusi, Yane, Tata,

       Fitri…  What am I without you, guys?  Thank you for bringing me back

       home from my evil road.  Hope our friendship last forever…

It’s Been A Hard Day’s Night…

Hue..he..he..  The title of today’s article must have reminded you to one of Beatles’ song.  Well, to be honest, it is inspired by the song.  But my next story is true.   

After I finished my high school, I decided to start working.  But God had other plan.  Thanks to my aunts, I could join a one-year-secretarial executive class.  It is some kind of course.  I felt so lucky. I then worked very hard to finish the class successfully, and I did it.  I was the best student, with remarkable grade (well, it’s no hard to achieve actually.  Secretarial class is not such a complicated major) Being idled for a while (and felt like I’m the lamest girl ever during the time) I got hired by two small companies.  I prayed to God to give me better job at least by the beginning of 2005.  And Voila!  Seven months later Allah the Al Mighty answered it (precisely right on time!  What a Creator!)  I joined the pgn 0105 Brotherhood. So I got thirty new best friends, some obstacles on my road, tears, sweats, Goosebumps, shameful experience, a handsome soldier brother, pain, beautiful military songs, General Manger’s yelling, great photo shots and laughs.  Once again, I felt very lucky.  But it wasn’t a happy ever after story. 

There was a saying: ‘No Guts No Glory’ It’s sort of right.  If we wanted to reach something, we have to strive for it first.  There’s nothing come easy.  Even when it happens, I can assure you it won’t last forever.  So, being a secretary is not as simple as you think.  For the last one year, I’ve been through many things.  I don’t want you to consider me as a wimpy girl, because I’m totally not that kind of girl.  I’m strong.  I always press that statement on my brain.  But I don’t know…  Things are getting rougher lately.  It’s not that I become weaker.  Despite of all the strength I tried to build within me, I’m just a human.  I’m just a little girl that needs to work very (very, very, very) hard if I wanted to change the complicated system that has been made since forty one years ago.

Ever since I got in this business, they have been doing many things to me.  The company’s organization chart has made me have THREE bosses, which each one of them can instruct me anything at anytime.  They restrict me to wear anything that will make me look better (5 cm-above-my-knees-skirt for example) they wouldn’t accept my correction for the wrong grammar they use in letters, they made me work overtime without extra pay, they made me use my own money for the company’s sake, they forbid me to have lunch with my friends because they want me to make letters, they made me an expedition officer, they made me a-one-man-show event organizer and betrayed me in the end, they made me awake until 3 am in the morning so that made me sick and I have to spent 2 days in the hospital, they made me cross all over Jakarta to search for my boss and made him sign some documents, they made me have a super duper silly relationship with a bastard, they made me feel so shameful for my education background, they made me come to the office early in the morning (at seven am) and went home late at night (at 20.00 pm) with tired mind and feet, they made me separated from my family and friends, they made me had fights with friends, they made me cried silently in the middle of my rush hours, they made me so busy that I couldn’t come to a close relative’s wedding, they call me in my weekend days, they made me some kind of servant for them to bring things, they made me order some snacks for unimportant events, they made me sit right below the air conditioner at a meeting and make me cached cold at night, and finally, they made me feel so depressed so that I think I want to quit the fight.  Just rot in hell, you God-damn-Capitalization!!! L 

That man in Beatles’ song is so lucky.  After his hard day’s night, he found out his lady of his life at home that made him feel alright, while I’m left alone in my room, surrounded with silly dolls and uneducated TV shows. 

I truly realize that I should be thanking God for this opportunity I had.  But there are times when I feel so lame, so shallow.  I need some refreshment.  I need something that will make me re-charged.  Something that will cheer me up, and once again made me had smiles on my face (my friend in the next cubical often shouted at me ‘Smile Dhitta, smile!’ while trying to imitate my expression with his face so that made him looked totally funny.  What a psycho!) 

I tried many ways to encourage myself to make my social life better.  I tried to have a boy friend, but it ended up messy.  The problem is that I always fell for some kind of jack asses (never trust the looks, gals, just don’t!), while when it comes my time to have an opportunity with a guy who is nice, kind, romantic, caring, affectionate, and obviously loves me sincerely, I just hurt and dumped him (maaf ya, Woh.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You’re just too skinny, that’s all So, HTS-an aja terus sama si bastard itu, dhi!  I also tried to look after my family more, especially my mother.  But my family and I separated for hundred kilos away.  It’s not good for me financially…   (Sebenernya ini bukan alasan yatz…  Tapi dhi Cuma pulang kalo run out of money doang seh   Bad girl, bad girl!)  Hobbies?  I love fishes, but they will just be dead instantly in my nurture, and I easily bored by books (except for an extremely nice books.  And it’s rare.  I often felt tricked by book, which all they got was nothing but an interesting title)  My main hobby actually lazed my self all day long, and it’s not such a good way to busied yourself since it will only make you woke up with a migraine.

But after some deep thinking process, ideas came suddenly!  And, after my Hard Day’s Nights, I WILL DO AND HAVE THESE IN MY LIFE:

1.     I’ll finish my collage for sure, majoring in management.  I might be ended up as Corporate Secretary of PGN.  Who knows???  I was about to take Law school before, but to see to subjects… Big No-No for me!  Cowardly Dhi!

2.     I’ll go to Japan.  My cousin and I once had a vow.  The two of us will go to Japan to see the festivals held there.  Maybe we’ll need to spend 1 year or more of staying in way to have the chance to see ALL OF them!!!  And maybe we got the opportunity to meet Takashi Sorimachi or Hideaki Takizawa or Hyde of L’arc en Ciel or even Mask Tuxedo and Sanji and Zorro and Killua Zaoldyeck there!   You never know when you got lucky, do you???  So let’s anticipate! And after we have enough of Japan, we’ll go Englandto see William.  What a great journey!!!

3.    I’ll buy my Mother a proper shelter.  And after I got married, she can stay with me, like what she always wanted…

4.     I’ll have a Mercedes Benz, no matter how old it is (it doesn’t matter because it will always looked beautiful in my eyes) I always think that Mercedes is human’s greatest creation (did we crate something?  Or we just compiled it one by one from the material shattered around us?  Kok jadi ga nyambung gene sehJ)

5.     Etc…  Etc…  (Just cut it right here, I’ll never have enough list…)

Please don’t laugh to read my wish list.  You can always chain others’ hands and feet so they can do nothing, but you’ll never restrain their God given freedom of thinking, imagining, dreaming and hoping, right??? J

As I see around me, I can see my other colleagues in the same condition as I do.  And they emotionally tell me like for the 100^th times, ‘I couldn’t’ stand it no more.  I’ll quit!!!’  Well dear friend, that decision of yours will never come out from my mouth (Maybe if I got better offer from other company, but to give up with present condition?  No way!)  They maybe have the power or authority or whatever that can make me feel down and sucked up and demoralized, but they will NEVER EVER take my pride and dignity away from me.  I won’t give up that easily.  As I always try to inspire my friends, I’ll stand up and fight!!!  Go Dhi, go!!!   

So, I am now thanking God for making me still have those dreams & hope inside of me that need to be reached & fulfill. I still got the rest of my life to make them come true.  My suggestion for those of you who are now feeling that you will never get through your hard day’s nights would be nothing but try to find out your interest and get busied by it, while at the same time solving your main problem at work wisely.  Cari akar permasalahannya, Say!!!  Then finish it, for it has made you troubled for all these times!!!  Brani ga?  Brani dung, hallowww…. We’re the AGENTS OF CHANGE, the PIONEERS!  We can make positive differences.  We can make it if we try!!!  Well, those ways worked for me, hope the same thing will happened to you too, gals!!! 

Hare gene feeling depressed with your bosses and your job???  It’s so last year, geto loch…  J

With the Bosses…

WANT HIM BADLY

Below is the most disgusting & wimpiest poem ever (What was I thinking?)  Please feel free to laugh after you read it… 

*****

I miss him so… 

How much longer must I face this crazy kind of feeling?

I think about him most of the time

See his face every time I take a look to everything

Say his name every time I start to say anything

God, how can a man made me do these crazy stuffs?

He’s not handsome or smart

He’s not even my type

But he has successfully turned my world up side down

I’d give up anything to make him mine forever

I’d do the most impossible thing to have him in return

I’d surrender for any kind of reason to have his lips kissing mine

I’d pay the highest price to hold him tight in my arms and never letting him go

I’d be the real woman inside out like he always dream of to have

I wish he was here

I want him here, now

Every time I hear him saying things, all I hear is my heart that beating so fast

Every time he kisses me, all I feel is weaknesses and shiver

Every time he touches me, all I want is stopping the time so I can feel this kind of delight forever

Oh, boy

I don’t want anyone else but you to be my forever soul mate

I don’t want anyone else but you to be my happy ever after story

I don’t want anyone else but you to be the one I care about for the rest of my life starting from now on

*****

Hi..hi.. Noraks bangget yatz???  We have the right to be silly sometimes, don’t we?!?

Thing that is Completely Wrong in Me

We can say it’s some kind of God’s willing, Destiny, Natural Character, or even a Curse, but it’s a fact:  Some people are just born to be annoying. And I’m one of them… 

Everyone knows, as far as I know myself, that I’m an extrovert kind of person.  I like hang out with people, I enjoy expressing my thoughts to them, I like helping others, I sympathize, I love making friends, and I am friendly and cheerful.  Well, at least in the beginning. 

It has been a habit of mine to try my best to make an appropriate kind of relationship with people.  I want them to like me.  I want them to feel happy and cozy whenever they’re around me.   I want them consider me as a nice person.  I want to be accepted by them.  But, this is the strange part, once I have reached my goals, or by the time I got what I want from them, which is friendship, or loyalty, or trust, I would suddenly turn into a very disturbance person for sure.  I did evil things to them.  I said things that are hurting.  I told them how bad they were when in reality I was the one who is bad all along.  And I have been doing it for the last 21 years to all of my family, friends, best friends, little kids (it’s true!  All of my toddler cousins are afraid of me because after I squeeze and hug and told them how I love them, I always make them scream and cry) and any other persons that I know, whether I realize it or not.  I don’t know about you, but in place where I was born and raised, and in any other civilization, normal people don’t hurt the ones whom they love.  They cherish them and they take say beautiful thing to them.  So my decision was there’s something that is completely wrong inside of my brain.  That has made me different from others.  That I might need cure or medical intention.

This phenomenon of hating-after loving so much process is always been some kind of wicked.  I don’t even know how I did that.  All I know was I found fewer friends around in the end, and my family think that I’m sick. 

As I grow up, I started to analyze my self, and I got to know it better.  I did, eventually, found the reason behind it.  It is actually my way to defend my self to people who loves me insincerely.  By doing bad things to people, they will feel annoyed.  And in normal condition, they would obviously start to keep a distance.  They would walk away.  They would think I’m not qualified to be their mates, with the reason of ‘non profitable dhi’ behind it.

 

But only my truly friends and family would stand still.  They’ll be disturbed also, but they won’t run away and gone.  They won’t stab me in the back.  They’ll start lecturing me instead of grumbling or even worse, keep silent or ignoring me.  They would show me my mistakes and tell me how to solve it.  They would hold my hands and telling me ‘What you’re doing is wrong, dhi, Let us find a way to fix it.  And believe me; you’ll be thanking me in the future’. 

And as I now looking at around me, I can see clearly how I’m surrounded with best friends.  Even though there’s not so many of them, I still feel lucky.  However, I got several friends of a lifetime who would happily share my pain and joy.  Not bad.  Even for me. 

But now that I’m in a totally new environment, and I have shown them I deserved to be their friend, I am now, once again, trapped in a situation that I have been through many times in life:  I just can’t stop piss them off!  It seems that the more I like people, the more annoying I am.  Usually it’s not such a big problem for me, since I already know that it’s actually good for me because it’s selecting people who are matched with me automatically.  But to telling you the truth here, I like my present surrounding.  I really do like them.  I don’t want them to keep off from me.  I don’t want them to think that I’m nothing but a big mouth fresh guy.  I don’t want them to think that I’m a jerk.  I want them to be around me forever.  I don’t want them to be my shoulders to cry on whenever I got troubles.  I want them to be my best friend till the day I die…

So here I am, once again, caught in the trap I made myself.  Telling myself I’ll be fine with no one, while deep down inside I know that it’s just a lie.  I’m not blaming anyone for this freaky disease I have.  But my message for anyone who is now mad at me because something I said or done, PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP ON ME.  I know you’ll be thinking I’m no more than an insane, foolish girl, that has no interest in taking care of others’ opinion (no matter how right it is)  But the fact is: I need you, I really do like you, I want you to be my forever friend.  Just be patient a little, you can even consider me as a helpless child if you like.  But once when we have through the rough journey, I promise you we can have a delightful friendship of a lifetime.  It should be fun. 

So, would you (please, please, please) be my friend?  J